facelessbook

when one of my colleagues was getting some pizza out of the microwave he said " if this was facebook I'd say "john is getting pizza out of the microwave "

good call.

one other man at work has started spending every minute that he is not required to not be on facebook, on facebook. one woman equally socially awkward woman sits next to him and they occasionally comment to each other of stuff that is going on in the lives of their facebook friends, "her husband has the flu at the moment and I want to give a message to say get well but I cant remember his name and on her profile it doesnt have his name, oh how terrible"

yes it is terrible, but on a larger scale than you think, candypants.
you are acting out all the things people do when they have friends, but instead of putting energy into the kind of things that would give you real friends, your computer generates some fake ones, and you stay socially retarded.
send enough '...sends you a hug" messages and you are gonna get one back. even if it is the mistake, where someone is trying to send a 'hug' to someone else and the default settings mean that it gets sent to everyone.

and when i got that message "matt has challenged you to a movie quiz" i thought my friend had thought of some cool quotes from films we had both seen and I was supposed to reference them, but no, it was a generic market research poll where a bunch of shots of hollywood movies are shown and i have multiple choice quiz to test my 'knowledge"

no i do not want to add the 'who thinks you are hot' application or the 'mood ring' application, or the 'join the league of vampires' circle of crap
and perhaps worst of all, is the 'rank your friends' quiz. what??
no, it is not "perhaps worst of all", it IS worst of all. i got an email sent from facebook to my email account informing an anonymous friend had voted me "second best dancer"
second best?!! keep your bloody opinions to yourself whoever you are, or at least, to quote (and with equal venom) one computer-game nut who had just been killed in one of those 'room of 200 people playing doom against each other' competitions "Show your damn face!"

prague events

Just finished talking to Ned on skype, and he said that there have been follow up sightings of the Prague Ninja who can be seen as something not much bigger than a dot in this photo, but even when I was at this distance he detected me.
Anyway, that is good news, each sighting wins you 15 lucky points, and so far I have 30 which I can use any time I like.

Also, apparently there was recently a concert where Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone sang covers of Sly and the family Stone.
sounds cool.

You know how people who work in guitar shops tend to think everyone who is a customer is a real dead shit for not devoting their lives to the guitar?
Well, I went to a guitar shop yesterday. As it turns out, by asking for the cheapest guitar they had, plus the cheapest tuner, plus saying it didnt matter that it was for right handers and I'd have to restring it and that it would sound a little wonky but considering how I played perfection was not an issue I managed to go so far in the opposite direction that I think I became his idol.

Ned said now I have to do is dress up in one of those long crushed velvet dresses with flowing sleeves and go out the front of his shop and sing in an opera style voice over the top of a black metal guitar riff and then say "yep, i really am a live manifestation of your dreams" .

oh yeah, i saw this really weird picture in the paper the other day, the guy from marroon 5 giving a high five to the jackson five.
strange.

well, better motor, i have spent the whole day listening to music people made on their gameboys, so i probably should continue that activity for a few more hours.

oh recently have been hearing a few odd bits an pieces about that acting girl clare danes, I will tell you about it later

exhibitionism (is) for dummies

Considering how the majority of my posts are just reposting the crap people say on myspace, I guess the 'voice waiting to be heard' is not mine.

And getting astonished by it is like getting blown away by the low nutritional value of fairy bread, but if there needed anything to further cement the idea that aliens have chosen not to invade earth only because they think humans look so annoying to be around.

The last one, I hit delete and missed his name, but his 'catch phrase' was "what u lookin at?"

Not you if I can help it dude.

But I still did. Moustache. 40's. Chubby. A logo of Harley Davidson as his page decoration.
His hobby is photography and provided I am over 18 he wants to be mates, leading me to believe not only did our lad not have it going on, but he was going to get it all off and send pictures of whatever it is to strangers.

This kind of thing almost makes me nostalgic for the park flasher, who seems comparatively a small town innocent.

But actually not. Flashers also give me a fright. Luckily I haven't seen one in ages. If there is any award for "classiest response to a flasher" I give it to Janey Mac in Melbourne. Walking home alone one night a man jumped out from behind a tree and said "Hi! " She said at first she didnt notice he was naked, and said "hi". It kind of threw him and in attempt to swing things back on track he said "Umm... I have lost all my clothes" and she said "Sorry, I haven't seen them" and he said "I am sorry, I am so sorry" and ran away.

okay, so recently posts have been either non-existant or reposting some of the exceptional quality writing that comes via myspace.
This is one of those latter occasions.
It is from Daniel.
I like his suave informality, highlighted by me, not Daniel, but he seems casual enough to not worry about being puritanically faithful to the original text.
I would also like to point out that my myspace picture is of a pair of feet, so I am not sure how he knew I was smiling. Gentlemans intuition?
In case I dont get time to follow it up, I guess he wont mind his email being posted here for other 'laydeez' to get in contact with him.

Over to you Daniel:

Hi babe
Now, I know we have not gotten to really know each other at all and there is a little bit of an age difference between us, but I do really like you. You are a very special lady. There is so much about you I see that I know most guys don't see. They are all looking at you for your body. But Honey, I am telling you, that is not what I am doing. There is so much more to you than that. I have liked you for a very first time i set my eyes on your picture but just never had the guts to say it to you. Well, that has all changed now. I am going all out and I am going to say it all. I really care a lot about you, and I would like to be a lot more then just friends. You mean so much to me. I mean, just seeing your cute little smile on your picture when I am having a bad day just makes the day seem not too dim. Or just to have you say hi to me makes me all warm and tingly inside. Just to see your smiling face brightens my darkest day. So, Hon, what do you say, would you like to give it a go? You could reply me via my email address lokomotive_2007@yahoo.com or add me to your messenger so that we get to chat live and get to know one another better.
Looking forward to hear from you
Daniel

mental age of 14

In case anyone doesnt know how much fun it is to teach teenagers, we did one of those "write a line, fold it over, write the next line" story activities.
The title was " As different as chalk and cheese" and prompts were
" who was the woman"
"who was the man"
"where did they meet"
What did they talk about?
What did he like about her? she about him?

This is how it ended up

" The woman was my teacher of Ukrainian literature. The man was a cheerful, reckless doctor from Canada. They met on the internet. The talked about religion and subcultures.
He liked her manners and her job.
She liked his childish character and talent for making gold from shit"

Who wouldn't fall for that?!

This is as close as I am ever going to get to being a cast member on a Seth Green film.

Viva la poolhouse!

spell checker and the modern man

Brash, pro-active and liberated from the confines of punctuation... or perhaps reeling from a plastic bag + spray adhesive, Myspace has delivered me another fabulous fan.

"hiiiiii baby yopu are very beatıfulllllll DO YOU BECOME MY FRIEND you very sweety.I WANT TO RECOGNIZE THE LIFE WITH YOU I FOUND WATER IN THE DESERT THINK, HOW MUCH, LOVE,....YOU, RECOGNIZE, HONOUR, BECOME,GIVE ME THIS HONOUR DO YOU WRITE ME .... YOU VERY SEXSİ TAHANK YOU......."

Special attention to the phrases "recognise this life" and " water in the desert think". His words are his gift, and since I forgot your birthday I will pass them on to you.

TAHANK YOU

SEXSI

DESERT THINK

my space

This one is for all the 'haters' who said myspace is really dumb and a waste of time and crawling with wierdos.
It is a letter from Nicky.

"HELLO ITS ME NIKY AM JUST SARECHING BY SO I FIND YOU ACTUALLY I WAS REALY TRYING TO GET SOMEONE THAT CAN LOVE FOR WHO I AM

SO I AHD A FEELING FOR YOU AND I BEILEVE YOUNTHE RIGHTFULL PERSON FOR ME

Bryunhilda.

your;s Niky

truely cares. if you wish to me you can kindly come to my massenger

i will bw epecting you there bye.

and am online now "

She just wants to be who she is, dammit. Even though the profile gives no clue as to what that might be, can't we all love her just the same?